"I’m thankful for my dog, and his big doggy dick. I finally had him neutered, so now we can have all of the unprotected sex we want, and I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant, again.

I’m thankful that heroin is cheaper, more potent, and more widely available than ever. And yet, I can still make an enormous profit when I sell the stuff. Silly third graders think they’re so smart.

I’m thankful I can still find hookers that like it rough. And by rough I mean my bed is covered in 80 grit sandpaper, and my hot tub is filled with rubbing alcohol. But I always tip at least 10%

I’m thankful for my 4 year old half-dog son Ralph.

I’m thankful that Bush declared our mission accomplished in Iraq, and that this silly war on terror is finally over.

I’m thankful for raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens.

I’m thankful God has granted me the strength, and given me the wisdom, and the pliers, to pull off those whiskers.

I’m not thankful yet, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Democratic boytoy John Edward may soon be available.

I’m just thankful there’s a new Bridget Jones movie. I mean, it’s been almost a week since Hugh Grant has been in a romantic comedy.

But most of all I’m thankful for idiots like you who lap up the vitriol that I spew like it was mother’s milk."- t-shirt hell's mid november newsletter.

i think t-shirt hell is one of the funniest sites i've ever been to.  the newsletter is actually extremely amusing.  they're shirts are even better.  and then... ther'es email hell- email addresses from tshirt hell... like "...@touchmyinfection.com" or "...@abortionstickle.com".  it's awesome.